Face off with Mary

Just fyi: I may not have obtained direct permission, but I can say with a fair amount of certainty that Mary would not be horrified by this post. She'll laugh. That's why we (mostly me) loved having her with us and wished it could have been like 10 times longer. Grad school was calling, however, and she left us. It's kind of like someone letting you smell some fresh baked cookies, letting you admire all those glistening, melted chocolate chips and then they whisk them away and deliver them to the cat. I like cats. But they sure as heck don't deserve those cookies.

Mary? Come back.

Anyway, back to the humiliating stuff.

First things first, an aunt must entertain the masses.

A little more examination shows us her "hungry werewolf" look. Those kids must look delicious. I think the red-eye really sells it.

Okay...in Mary's defense, she did not know she was included in that shot.
Such is not the case here. Just chillin' with the gals.

My personal take? She's a little sleepy after that wolf meal.

And here we go on a walk so Mary can have a feel for real fall weather.

Either she is going to fall, or going to throw up. Take your pick.

Poor Mary. As far as I know there is not a boy out there she is trying to impress. If there is, then she should know better than to tell him she has any siblings.

Alright, so I guess it runs in the family. See? I ruined a potentially great picture.

And the close-up, to be fair. Now you might throw up. Yikes.

And maybe it is just my (and Matt's) photography skills, because Alex took this and we actually look human.

However, we did not get any pictures of what we really spent most of our time doing: sitting on the couch. That includes talking, reading, and napping, but mostly watching movies. Nothing new, but still really, really fun.

Right here are the tools you need to get you all the candy you could want on Halloween:

You'll also need a decent neighborhood, some ambition, and good shoes to make the rounds. We made some serious profit on the candy front. We bought our share to pass out, and we came back with 3 times as much. If only making money were that easy. Our kids are eager to share and Matt and I pretty much help ourselves with K & M's. We had to carry them around and pay for the costume, so it's a fair trade.

Michael looks like a thug (that drools).

And one must include the jacks.

Alex did his "vampire" by himself for the first time and I love it. It is on the far right--reminds me of one of Sid's eggs below. Awesome.

I brought these cookies to our church Halloween party. Just FYI: midwesterners know how to celebrate Halloween way better than Californians.

Time to go eat some Twix.

The Clinic

A few weeks ago, Alex cut a hole in his shirt. When I asked him why he would take scissors to his shirt when he knows perfectly well what scissors are for, he responded, "I wanted to see what would happen."
Before I had a chance to be mad, I remembered that I did the exact same thing in first grade. Except I did it to my friend's shirt. I explained this to Matt because he had that look on his face that read, "Is this kid a total moron?". I told Matt that it must be a 7 year old thing to do. He said, "That's not a 7 year old thing, that is a Locke thing."
Matt likes to blame all the flaws in our children on my side of the family; all the successes he credits to his side.
So how does he explain his lunatic behavior when he gets behind the wheel and encounters any sort of traffic? In fact, it doesn't have to be traffic, he could have had a perfect drive for 10 hours and then the car in front of him brakes a little too early for a right turn and suddenly he wants to blow them up. Yes, really. His #1 request for the last 9 years for his birthday and/or Christmas has been a bazooka license plate. I'm not even going to google that to see if it exists, because I don't want Homeland knocking on my door.
It must be his side passing down the imagination for use of hideous weapons, because Bekah has pulled a couple on us. We read the scriptures at night as a family and one particular night we read about a guy cutting off another guy's head (the Nephi-Laban story). I was just hoping it wasn't too gruesome a scene for my sweet 3 year-old daughter when she asks, "Did he use a chain saw?"
Um...yikes.
Okay, okay, so I am not innocent either. I have broken a window and a mirror, and kicked a hole in the wall on separate occasions out of frustration. At least they are all inanimate object. Completely replaceable.
And lest you think the other ones are too young...
Michael was a little peeved for some reason or another. He kicked the nearest item--the diaper bag--then turned and started walking away. But as he was walking, he was watching out of the corner of his eye...the bag teetered for a moment, but then regained its composure and stood upright once more. As soon as Mike saw that he stormed back and kicked it again, with more force, to make sure that bag was humiliated and on the stinkin' floor like it should be. The kid is one measly year old.
Speaking of one year-olds, here is a sampling of Keturah's prayers last year:

Me: Keturah, say "please"
K: NO! please
Me: Say, "bless"
K: NO! bless
Me: "our family"
K: NO! our family

Me: Keturah, say "thank you"
K: Grrrrr. thank you
Me: "for the prophet"
K: Grrrrrrr. prophet

I guess that confirms it. We should all be committed.

Cheapskates

Alex's homework had some menu choices with prices associated with each item. He was asked to pick 3 foods he would order and add them up. These were his choices:

Beverages: milk-$3, juice-$2, water-$0

Fruits/Veggies: salad-$4, apple-$3, orange-$3, carrots$3, green beans-$5

Grains: bread-$3, rice-$6

Meats: chicken-$8,hamburger-$7, hot dog-$6

Dessert: pudding-$3

He chose:
Carrots
Bread
Water
Total - $6

When I saw what he picked I beamed. I said, "Alex, did you pick the cheapest things from the menu on purpose?" He grinned, "Yep." Not only that, but it is a fairly well rounded meal. If he's learned nothing else from us, at least he knows how to order out on a budget. That's my frugal boy.

Botox

Are you looking for a great deal on a face lift? I can show you two ways to get one for free and it looks just as good as any plastic surgeon can produce.

Method #1. Fall down a flight of stairs. Michael models the results with a certain artistic flair.

Method #2. Throw yourself into the path of an angry bee. This takes some agility and proper aim in order to get the correct placement, but Keturah has proved to be talented on this wise. Just look at those luscious lips.

The kreme of the crop

You know you have an awesome family when 2nd cousins show up after a 5 year absence (which is most of, if not all, of their lives), and they fit right within about 3 seconds. Such is this family. We had a brief stay at Matts aunt and uncle's house in Utah on our way home this summer.

The kids went straight for the trampoline.

Matt and I had fun catching up with everyone. Here's Natalie and Aunt Kim. I'm so glad Matt lets me share his family. We missed seeing Uncle Ron and all the others that couldn't be there.

Us with Aunts Jenalyn and Carolyn and some cousin babies. Their stay was short, but much appreciated and cherished.

After eating Aunt Kim's yummy soup and salad, we got to leave our kids with the older ones, and the adults partied it up at the local rodeo.

Nicole (the one in the boots) was sitting right behind us and it took me a while to not jump every time she would whoop and holler. She's not much more than 90 lbs, but can bust out the decibels like no other. She was at least as entertaining as the bull riders.
On top of all that excitement, we were even treated to strawberries and cream. Can't beat that for a Friday night.

We came home to all the kiddies asleep in the living room.
The next morning we had a quick breakfast and then we had to hit the road. It was too short, but the visit was superb.

We set aside a little extra time in Utah so we could see some good friends. Matt knows Jeff because they served together on their missions to Spain 10 years ago. Jeff was still out of town when we first got there, so we hung out with Brindy and her two kids. We went to the park to feed the ducks, except we brought cereal instead of bread. The ducks were pretty snobby about the cereal and didn't really touch it. If I were a duck, I would totally be diggin' the break in the monotony of bread. Plus, it was Honeycomb cereal. Hello? It's called sugar and its awesome.

After Jeff showed up, we talked them into Mexican food for dinner. Then we came back and the kids enjoyed the mildly warm tub outside.

Jeff liked to take every opportunity to make fun of me. You see, my leg was still injured and I basically had no functionality in my calf. The result was a very pronounced limp. Matt would reference Men in Black, inferring that I looked like the bug in the Edgar suit. I'd enter a room hobbling and instead of pity he would just gruffly say, "Sugar. Water."
Jeff went a different route. He just starting singing Thriller by Michael Jackson every time he saw me. Such loving company.

After their "baths" in the hot tub, Jeff read some scripture stories. Then instead of putting them to bed, we spontaneously decided to go get donuts.

Krispy Kreme was inspired of heaven. We pretty much all attacked them this way.

Then the kids went to bed for real. Then we watched a movie and crashed for the night.
The next day we took the kids to temple square, which included a lot of walking for me and my dang leg. Aside from that, it was relaxing and beautiful as always.

But then we had to part ways with the Whipples and face real life after our super long vacation.

Real life is pretty good, too.

superCALIfragilisticexpialidocious

I used to wonder why people put up with living in other states. People are always surprised when the Mississippi floods, yet it happens every single year. Hurricanes are pretty much guaranteed if you live on the east coast. Tornadoes thrive from Texas to Michigan. Sweltering humidity in the south is a given. Bitter cold takes care of the great plains. Washington complains of too much rain and the southwest of not enough. Really the only escape is California. And to avoid fires and earthquakes you've got to go northern. So do you see why I grew up in paradise? Add that setting to some of the funnest people out there, and you've got yourself a good vacation. Mary Poppins was British, and she even knew that the coolest word out there has to have a piece of California in it. Okay, you are sick of hearing about the golden state. But I think I've made my point.
The last hurrah of our trip was meeting up with Grandpa Robin, Grandma Linda, and lots of uncles, aunts, and cousins. First we went to a park for a picnic.

Grandma Linda and Uncle Matt helping the kids feed the geese. This picture is as close as I get. Those things are vicious.

Bekah and River engorging themselves on chips.

Some refreshment for Grammy and Keturah.

Uncles Matt and Nathan arguing about computers. So boring. I'm glad I married a doctor. I'm also glad I can finally say that. It's a lot better than "student", especially when you are already in your 30's.

The littlest tikes.

Not sure what these guys are discussing, but knowing Matt, the subject is likely to be poop. He's real mature.

Noah, Aunt Heather, and Aunt Mary

Grandpa Robin and Alex throwing the football.

The prettiest baby ever. Mirabelle.

Michael picked playing with the dog over playing with his cute cousin Mirabelle.

Part of the clan through Alex's eyes. He might do well as a photographer some day.

And what kind of picnic doesn't end up in a water fight? My dad started it, but I don't think he was counting on Nathan and Alex never letting it end.

After the park Bekah and I stayed with some of the other girls at Grandma and Grandpa's house for a sleepover. It started with the hot tub,

then we made strawberry parfaits for dessert. They all thought it was rich or too sweet, but not me. I ate about 3 times as much as anyone else. California strawberries are a thousand times better when you get them in their home state. The ones they pick to send to Michigan should be ashamed to be labeled as such.

Heather's and Charity's fat faces. I probably don't have their permission to post this, but they are the ones careless enough to let me take a picture of it.

The next morning, Charity braved the heat and took the kids for a walk down to the park. We met them later at the pool.

Grammy and Michael loving the water.

Aunt Mary and Keturah

Aunt Mary and Matt with the little boys.

After a day of swimming, Grandpa took everyone out to pizza--

--and ice cream.

Then we went back to their house for some wrestling...

...and lounging.

I don't think we could have ended our vacation any better.