My Kitchen is a Death Trap

As we were getting ready for our camping trip, I asked Alex to put the ice chest against the wall. Typical Alex, he decides his way was better, and set it next to the fridge. Later that night, as I'm leaving the kitchen in the dark (the decidedly moronic placement of the light switch is a factor here), I trip over the ice chest, and the handle leaves a 3 inch scrape/bruise down my shin.
Earlier that day, I branded my arm with a cookie sheet, leaving some nice, borderline 2nd degree blisters.
The next day I opened the drawer where we keep all of our kitchen "tools" like spatulas, tongs, etc. The drawer came out all the way, the corner tagged my foot, and the utensils went spilling out onto the floor. I practically threw Keturah to Matt so I could collapse on the floor. It took about 10 seconds to swell up.

The mountain on my foot:

Matt was just leaving for a half day of psychiatry, so I had to finish getting stuff together and load up the van with this beast. Alex and Bekah pretty much did it all. They were awesome.
Anyway, after the swelling went down, my foot took on a lovely purple color.

Then Alex fell on me and his elbow landed right on the jackpot. It swelled up again, though not to same majestic heights as before. This picture was before the elbow, and I had another one similar to it. I asked Matt which one was worse. He said, "Neither. Do you have a picture post-Alex?"

So that is the explanation of how my kitchen is trying to kill me. Or maybe I'm just the 4th stooge. Considering I rolled my ankle and crashed a grocery cart head-on into a pole on two separate occasions, all within the last couple weeks, I'd go with the clumsy theory. Where would I be without 12 years of ballet? I don't even want to know.

Sorry for all the foot pictures. Less than aesthetically appealing, but it had to be done.

Virginia

We made a quick weekend trip to Virginia to see Aunt Mary. Quick = driving for 1 day + camping for 2 days + driving for 1 day.
We drove through 3 new states, during which we saw how the flat changed to hills in Ohio. We also saw some pretty interesting sights in West Virginia. The best way to get a feel for WV is to describe a couple of things we noticed in the many small towns we drove through. #1: a diner named "Unkle Chunks". Yikes. #2: a nappy haired mannequin head, hastily placed on a wire hanger donning a circa 1900 transparent nightgown set out for an advertisement of what one would find in the adjacent thrift store. Double Yikes.
Anyway...once we made it to our destination it was pretty late so we broke the rules and the kids and I crashed in Mary's dorm room and sneaked out in the morning. Oh, Matt? He got the van. We saved some money that way. Yeah, it was worth it.
The next day we got a campsite and set up and then Mary gave us a tour of her school.

Mary, Alex, Bekah in front of the university, where I had to hike 4 flights of stairs like 17 times over the 2 days.

We also drove up into the Blue Ridge mountains. Remember: camping. Don't expect beauty from the foreground.

Some really cool vine/tree thingies.

Then Mary took us to the river and we all agreed that rivers are the funnest bodies of water to play in. Sorry beach lovers, I just like rock hopping too much.
It was perfect for the kids because it was really shallow and flowed slowly.

I locked the keys in the car here, but quickly redeemed myself by unlocking the door with a stick.

Mary and Alex doing a fire dance.

Okay, so the bugs here are soooo loud! They sound like small animals, so they must be huge. I'm always a mosquito magnet, but something else made a meal of me as well. My back looks like a battlefield. Keturah's face fell victim too.

The next day we went on a hike after church and found some more cool rocks.

Matt had to do some Spider-man like scaling to get up this rock and then we tossed Alex up. So here they are doing their Spider-man moves.

Who gave the baby the camera?

At the bottom of the hill, Mary had a surprise for Alex: Mater.
Alex didn't give her the reaction she was looking for. He just pointed out that this wasn't Mater because it wasn't a tow truck.

Back at camp, we played cards because no Locke can camp without playing cards.

We took a different way going home and Matt spotted this sweet waterfall in WV. I guess they have their hidden treasures even there.

All in all, we had a really fun trip. We got to hang out with Mary, see and play in the outdoors, and get away from the routine at home. Mission accomplished.

Sarah, Plain and Average

Today I came out to the living room and was asked by a nosy 5 year old, "Where are you going?". " Ummm...Nowhere."
"Well then why are you wearing those nice, going-somewhere-clothes?"
I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, my hair was in the typical ponytail and I had no makeup on. Since when did jeans become my nice clothes?
Oh yeah, since 10th grade when I started wearing pajama pants to school, the store, the movies, on dates, etc. I used to wear jeans all the time, even sleep in them. But, I've come to the point where PJs are my regular clothes, jeans are dressed up, and skirts are fancy. Half the time I get ready to go somewhere, get out of the house, and start driving away before I realize that I didn't even look in the mirror. Sad, huh?
Those boys in high school made the mistake of telling me I looked fine without makeup. Well, I took it to heart because I just don't take the time for it, don't want to spend the money on it, and frankly, I never know if I'm even doing it right in the first place.
I'm not sure if anyone ever feels this way, but that is me.

The worse part is the crunch

Keturah is just trying to enjoy a bath without the attacks of a certain doting sister. She isn't as alone as she thinks she is.

The picture shrank the effect, but the moth was pretty big in my book. And fuzzy. This guy lucked out and lived to see the outside again, but I'm not that nice most of the time.

I've thought about why the big bugs are so much worse than the little ones, and I concluded that I just don't like the crunch. When you squish a little spider, there isn't a whole lot of action. With a heftier pest, there is the accelerated heart beat, the sweat beads, the breath holding, and then the crunch between your fingers from under the thin protection of the tissue. Not the sort of thrill I'm fond of. When I told Matt that is why I don't like killing the huge ants we get here, he said, "Naw, they don't really crunch. It's more of a pop." Like that helps. Thankfully Alex and Bekah help, but then I find half of a corpse with mangled limbs embedded in the carpet. I guess it could be a lot worse.

Throw more Brandy!

I think Alex is destined to be an actor. It seems like he is always playing a character and he is great at imitating people. I let them watch the pie fight from The Great Race, along with the part where Prof. Fate reveals his car for the race that has cannon and a cone on the front that heats up. Alex is a loud person already, but when he is in character as the ever-yelling Professor Fate, he takes it to a new level. Bekah has been deemed PF's sidekick, Max. Bekah might end up as a comedic sidekick anyway, with her talent for (unintentional) physical comedy and escape artistry. I had to take these two around the store in a car cart and I'm sure everyone was glad when we left. Alex was yelling, "Out of the way! Honk! Honk!" to everyone and kept asking me if he should use the cannon on the unfortunate trespassers, or the "hot poker thing". To get him to stop asking, I had to consent to him blasting everyone out of the way. I was trying to ignore the noise and get done as quickly as possible, so I didn't pay any attention to the "We're going to crash!" warning because that is usually part of their normal dialect as these characters. I smacked head on into a pillar and got a hefty bruise on my shin. Who puts a giant pillar in the middle of an aisle? I think I heard some kids laughing at me as I steered around the dumb thing.

So if you have no idea what I'm talking about, here is the pie fight for your enjoyment. I think it may be my favorite scene from a movie ever.





Referring to the video at about 3:20, I can now explain what happened at lunch the other day. It didn't register at first when the kids kept saying "Banished. Banished. Banished." to each other while eating. Finally it clicked and I called out, "Are you guys throwing crumbs at each other?" The silence told me everything I needed to know.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Have you ever played Clue? When I played with older siblings, they were always writing their findings down which led them to winning faster. I thought I had gotten pretty good, so I challenged my friend Eva. She started writing furiously and kept writing the whole time when she wasn't taking a turn. I was sweatin' bullets and thinking I must be really stupid because I didn't have anything. It turns out that I won, and I immediately asked her if I could see what she wrote. The entire page was covered:
Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah.

It made me laugh. When I asked her if she was just trying to throw me off, she explained, "No, I just saw this blank page and thought I was supposed to fill it."

Anyway, these pictures have absolutely nothing to do with that story. I typed the title thinking that nobody wants to read what I write and they just want some pictures, so why explain them? I might as well be writing Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah.
However, I'll still provide you with some orientation.

At one of the many beaches...

In Frankenmuth--a little German town with fun stuff to see.

We got some cheese, homemade ice cream, and some taffy.

It's Official

Keturah has been inducted into the family White Trash Hall of Fame. Just look how happy she is to be dressed like this:

She also scored high in the couch potato category.

All this fame just keeps the fans swarming.